I ask this because we're actually boycotting a wedding due to this being done to us and others. Who wants to go to the stupid, boring ceremony and then have to go home while all "close" friends and family go to the reception and have fun. I feel this is simply wrong. The bride says it's due to not having enough money for all invited to go to the reception, but this is a simple problem to fix. Simply have a home reception or homemade food. Plenty of weddings have been that way (including my mother's). So what do you think about this is it wrong or am I for thinking that it's wrong?
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Jan 9, 2009 Seemed a bit odd, but the wedding itself is the most important part, were invited to the evening reception but not the ceremony itself,
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BTW: I'm not wrong!
Yes that is highly inappropriate. If you can't afford someone on the guest list at the reception, don't invite them to the ceremony.
I feel like it is inappropriate. Why couldn't she just do a finger food buffet (it's very common in my area)? It's cheaper and in the end you end up with more food. It can still be elegant and be this way too. I seriously do not understand why not celebrate with everyone. You can scale back in venue, food, centerpieces, everything and be able to have the reception with everyone.
However I must say that this person did think enough of you to have you partake in the watching of one of the most important days in their life. Even if you don't like that you aren't invited to the reception. Why not go?
Good Luck
Wow, I would boycott as well. I believe those invited should be invited to both the wedding and reception. A few years ago I was invited to a reception, but not the wedding. I boycotted it as I was quite peeved. The wedding and reception were held at a resort.
Well, I have to disagree with your suggestion to about having a homemade wedding. I think you're just upset. But, you can't belittle their decision on what type (or the cost) of the wedding they are throwing. However, this was rude on behalf of the bride and groom. It's understandable that weddings are expensive. Therefore, you should not have been invited to either event.
If your friend could only afford family and certain friends, then she should have made that clear. It's perfectly acceptable to say to people, "I'm very sorry, but due to our budget, we can not afford to invite everyone." Then, you just would have NOT received an invite or you could have personally asked to go to the ceremony, just to see the union.
But, it is rude to openly invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. It has to make someone feel bad when they are sitting in the ceremony and the everyone around them is talking about going to the reception after wards.
The couple approached this situation all wrong. If you can't invite someone to both events, then don't invite them at all.
Lastly, maybe these "friends" aren't as close to you, as you think. Sometimes we believe we are closer to people and it takes situations like this to realize you're not on the top of their friendship list.
Hi. You are VERY right....it is totally inappropriate AND rude!
This question has been asked before, so I hope that this is not becoming a new trend.
I do think most couples do have the sense to know how wrong this is.
YES, like you, I would definitely say "thanks but no thanks!"
I don't think she should necessarily have to scale back the reception- she should just only invite those to her reception that she is inviting to the wedding.
The rule is that may invite people to the reception only, but you may not invite people to the wedding only.
As the bride has the right to invite or not invite certain people (she must be prepared for any flack should her lack of invites to certain people end up inappropriate) those who are invited to either the ceremony, reception,or both have the right to decline for whatever reason they wish.
Articles On Etiquette::
Ideally, the bridal shower is held 1-2 months before the wedding, but there is Keep in mind that people who are not invited to the wedding should not be
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You may send a gift, but it's not obligatory. If you've been invited to a wedding and reception but can't attend, are you required to send a gift anyway?
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It is an invite, not an obligation....the bride causing drama over people declining is absurd...if her actions have offended people then she just has to deal with the fall out. If I couldn't invite someone to both the wedding and the reception, I wouldn't invite them, or I would have the kind of wedding where I could.
I agree with you...have the reception you can afford, cutting people out of the reception but expecting them to come to the wedding and to give a gift is NOT the way to go.
The wedding is NOT about the reception. The most important part of a wedding is the SACRAMENT. There is something meaningful and honorable behind the boring "ceremony" to the bride and groom :)
Think of it this way: how can there be a wedding party to celebrate if there is no wedding in the first place?
It's kind of immature to boycott the wedding. There are your family/friends. What are your priorities?
You asking if you are wrong, and then adding "BTW I'm not wrong" is extremely immature.
If she admits they are too broke for everyone to come to the reception, then they are too broke. You boycotting the wedding simply because you weren't invited to partake in the free food is extremely petty and immature.
The "stupid boring ceremony" is the whole point! You're supposed to be celebrating and congratulating these people on being in love and making a commitment to each other, but apparently the only thing that matters to you, is what YOU get out of it.
It is a breach of etiquette to not invite everyone from the wedding to the reception!!! I don't know when this became popular and I think you are well within your right to not attend this wedding because of it. I see this as being "gift grabby" on behalf of the bride and extremely inconsiderate to her guests.
I can understand them not going into debt with the current status of our economy BUT they could have scaled their celebration back to accommodate everyone, even if it was a "dry" reception, cake and punch, and/or homemade food. Personally, I would rather eat something homemade (with love) than crappy, reheated catered food any day!
I find you really immature. You should be honored she invited you to the ceremony.
You are both wrong! You are wrong to think that the ceremony is "stupid, boring." The ceremony is more than the most important part. It is the ONLY part of any significance. It is the wedding, the main event, which is the reason for celebration.
The bride is wrong because it is a breach of etiquette to invite people to the wedding and not the reception. She should have arranged a simpler, less expensive reception, such as cake and punch in the church's fellowship hall. She could then have a dinner for the immediate family only at another location, or have a wedding breakfast for the immediate family before the ceremony.
If you care about either the bride or groom, forgive their faux pas, put a smile on your face, go to the wedding, and wish them well.
This is absolutely, positively an etiquette breach.
It is acceptable to invite a guest to the wedding & reception or the reception only. Any guest invited to the wedding MUST be invited to the reception.
If she doesn't have the money, she needs to scale back on her reception plans. As you said, either have homemade food or have a cake & punch reception.
Are the people boycotting the wedding buying her gifts?
I wouldn't get involved in the drama, but would simply RSVP that I wouldn't be able to attend. And let it go.
It's not worth the hassle. The bride is wrong, but you aren't right by making a big deal out of it either. You need to just drop it and not worry about it.
I agree this is totally wrong. I just don't know what people are thinking when they do this. A couple should scale back plans to what they can afford, and invite the same people to both the ceremony and reception.
That's horrible. I've heard of people wanting to keep the ceremony intimate & only inviting everyone to the reception but not the other way around. I wouldn't go. So you have to leave in your car with your head all down while the privileged ones carry on with their party. That's the same as telling me that I'm a big ol' pig-like hoover vac that's gonna suck up all your food & I'm not worth it. Oh, but I'm sure they'll expect gifts from YOU. Screw that. Boycott away!!
u dont care wats rite or wrong u jus want sum1 2 tell u ur rite.it wont be me.ur wrong its there rite 2 celebrate in anyway they choose and the ceremony is the important part.would u feel better if there was no reception?basically ur jealous u dont get the free food.she shouldnt have 2 put herself in debt 2 invite everyone
I agree with you. The couple should invite people to both. If they couldn't afford to invite you to both they shouldn't have invited you at all, or choose a less expensive venue and/or cater to be able to accommodate everyone. I hope you didn't get these people a gift.
Hey, it could be worse. She could have invited you to the reception and not the wedding.
However, I agree with your decision not to go. If you're not mature enough to sit through a wedding and enjoy it, she won't miss your company.
it is a breach of etiquette, I would send a card and wish her well and be done with it.
the bride is very rude to only invite you to the ceremony . either have all the guests at the reception or do not have one. It is a lot of nerve to create a second class guest list and expect to come and then be sent away
I recently got married. Everyone that came to the ceremony was invited to the reception. However, I am now 10,000 in debt. If this person wants to include you by inviting you to the ceremony, you should go. The fact that he or she does not want to start out their life in debt is extremely smart. Go to the ceremony and cheer on the happy couple.
I agree, I think if I was not able to invite all to the reception, I would not invite them to the ceremony either. You know. I personally have a problem with this and have only had to deal with it once. I got an invitation that was to the ceremony only and it made that clear because it said join us in our ceremony and had a card in telling us where they were registered and their registry number. When I called to RSVP with the MOB I said, it does not say anything about the recepton. The MOB told me that if I got one of the invites without the reception information, then we are invited to the ceremony only. That their reception venue could not hold everyone. I kinda laughed and said..um okay well we will not be able to make it, sorry and hung up. The bride (my friend) did not even notice that I was not there...I mean not that she should, but she brought it up. She asked me what I thought of it a couple of weeks later and I just looked at her and the said...well I am sure it was pretty, but we were not there. She did not even know we did not go. I told her that we just could not afford to find a sitter for all three kids and drive 45 min to a ceremony that was only 15 min long. It would cost us $100 in sitter and gas just to go. I let her know if we had been invited to the reception also then we would have most likely made it because it would have been something we could justify, but just for a very short ceremony we could not spend that kind of money. Sorry, if we are not important enough for both, then it is not important enough for us to spend $100 just to go and then another $50-100 on a gift. (P.S. It is rude to put your registry cards in an invite, that is just horrible, especially if the people are not invited to the reception,,do not do it).
I went to a wedding a few years ago where not everyone was invited to the reception because of budget issues. No one had a problem with it because the ones who were not invited to the reception weren't that close with the couple. Family and close friends were the only ones invited to the wedding reception, and everyone understood that. It's their day, their money, and they can do whatever they want. Sorry, but that's just the way it is these days.
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