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| I was just curious what Women thought about this ? | | Published by: webmaster 2010-03-18 |
I was talking to a friend.She was saying how she was giving up on how she looks because no matter what, her Husband still looks at other women and looks at porn and why should she try to look good for him if he's going to do all that.I thought It was sad and had no idea what to tell her to make her feel better, any advice? I feel horrible for her
And before anyone wants to get funny about it, no she's not fat or ugly
This is just what men do, as long as he is not acting on his looking. Men watch porn and they choke the chicken thats part of being a man.Look at that in 2 good ways PORN#1 it may start something for her in the end, CHOKEING THE CHICKEN #2 It may give you a night of rest. She should not be trying to look good for him she should be doing it for herself.
She needs to realize that guys are always look at other woman and porn. If they do it in a disrespectful way than thats a problem. I am kind of like that with my husband... if my husband says something about another womans boobs or something I get upset because I hate mine. So maybe she just has low self esteem.She needs to talk to he husband about it and tell him how she feels about this and then they can work at it together. Just try to bring her confidence up a little. Go out and check out some guys. Go shopping with her. Do something to make her feel good.
She has very low self esteem and ultimately has accepted her husband the way he is. I`m sure if she could experience a different husband for one day, a loving one who makes her feel beautiful and respecting her by not looking at porn and other women, she`d feel a lot different. Some women settle for for their husbands and don`t even try to change themselves or their husbands. It is sad and it is degrading to women. What you can tell her is that her husband is not the normal family man, is not the man that she should want for her daughter if she has one. Make her realize this is not a good or normal behavior she should expect from the man she`s with, the one who "loves" her and protects her and provides for her...it really has nothing to do with looks, she shouldn`t try to look better for him to avoid him watching porn. She should look good for both of them because she wants to.
Just ask her...would his husband accept her if she watched porn and watched other men...?
You will hear people say, looking at porn is normal for men. If it's so normal, then why does it cause so much trouble in marriages and destroy a woman's self-esteem? When a man is allowed to ignore his wife, look at porn and making it obvious that he is checking out other women, it's insulting to the wife and disrespectful.
Tell your friend, if she doesn't like the porn, then to tell her husband to knock it off, she doesn't want it in her house. Talk to him about how his behavior makes her feel.
Tell your friend that putting on her make up, making her hair look nice, and wearing something nice has to be something that she does for her self, not for her husband. Her life can not revolve around her husband. Men seem to be attracted to women who are sure of themselves and will disrespect women with a low self-esteem and who knock themselves out trying to please a man.
Have you every heard of a woman who is strong, has a lot of self confidence, knows what she wants and not afraid to go after it, married to a man who emotionally and physically abuses her? Women like that won't give a that kind of man the time of day.
Your friend is on a down hill road to losing all her self confidence and she needs to say to herself, I've had enough of this crap and I'm not going to put up with anymore and tell her husband exactly how she feels and his behavior is not acceptable. If he wants her respect, then he better start showing her some. It's a two way street and she doesn't have to settle for less then what she needs from her husband. What are the advantages of reading books over ::
"It may be that television-bred children's reduced opportunities to indulge in this 'inner picture-making' accounts for the curious
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Yes the husband will look at other women and porn. Its completely natural and, in my opinion, healthy.
The crux of the matter is that SHE is the one he comes home to. Its HER that he's chosen to be with. And hopefully they spend quality time together.
She should be making herself look good for herself. And you know, perhaps she should consider turning the heads of a couple of other guys.. It turns men on to know that other men desire their woman, especially when they are secure in the knowledge that she is all theirs. They really are THAT competitive.
Even more reason for your friend to look hot! If he's not interested someone else will be.
Tell her to stop worrying about him and just to love herself. She cannot help what he or anyone else does. but what she can do is love herself and forget him or anyone else that does things to make her unhappy. And also maybe she should tell him she doesn't like it when he looks at other women or watches porn.
Ignore the first answer that says men are always going to do that. Im sick of being stereotyped, Im a man and I have manners, anyone with manners will not ogle at other women and make their wife feel bad. I honestly have no interest in any other woman on earth besides my wife, so no not all men behave that way. And to the person who said we are pigs, grow up, feminazism isnt cool. Naming a Child::
Hi, there - I just read your response to a question about naming a child with junior v. III, and I'm curious about one thing. I understand the different appellation is sometimes added to women's names, which used not to be done. Thanks for your comment - that's what I had originally thought,
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cracking a safe::
one thought: what if there's money involved in this prize? desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize? The researchers here are an isatiably curious lot.
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All men (or most at least) *looks* at other women and porn. It doesn't mean that they don't find their wives attractive, it just means that they're not blind. Nor does it usually mean that they will or want to cheat on their wives.
Thing is that the less she cares about how she looks the more he'll look at other women. Sad but true. Men are visual creatures.
I believe that your friend has a little bit of a self esteem problem. I have been with my husband for eight years and married to him for 6. I have not been offended by this since I know it is in a guys nature. Please tell your friend to take care of herself eat right and exercise for HER benefit. When he sees that she is taking care of herself he will notice. Here is another idea, when he watches porn, maybe she could watch it with him and later act out one of the scenes. He may see her in a new light and it may revive their relationship. She can be the turn on and act as the "girlfriend" and spice things up a bit. Good Luck!
i think if you stay marketable, you will always have options, and her husband will have to show her at least that much respect. so for herself, and not for him, for the sake of her self-respect, she should want to be healthy and attractive. who of us does not feel better when we look good and who does not deserve to have that feeling of being attractive?
i do not thnk all guys are pigs, nor do i think looking at other women makes you a pig. the question says he "looks" at other women, not that he ogles them or that he cheats. I think that all guys look at other women and porn to some extent and that women frankly look at hot guys too, and this is natural and does not reflect on their partner at all. but that's different from the guy being a jerk and endlessly comparing her to others and complaining about things she can't control without surgery (such as height, breast size etc).
Personally I think her situation is really common, and it might come down to the two of them being mismatched when it comes to that aspect of their lives. I would not and could not put up with a guy like that. Of course, one can notice another's beauty (of either sex), but that's not the same as "wanting" the other person. For example, I think Brad Pitt is an "attractive" man but I certainly don't WANT him, nor would I drool over him in front of my boyfriend! I can also note that Nicole Kidman is an attractive woman. No big deal. But there's no need whatsoever to ogle and make it clear that you think Mr. or Miss X is soooo hot. I just can't imagine caring that much about someone I'd never met.
As for porn, it's a huge problem if either partner has an issue with it, and if one partner does have a problem and the other insists on using it anyway, then he/she shouldn't be surprised when his real sex life goes down the tubes.
I don't think it's a morality question... it's a matter of finding what's acceptable and what makes each couple and each indivdual feel happy, fulfilled, and cherished. Clearly, that guy is dropping the ball and has no idea how to make his wife feel loved. Personally, I'd dump a guy like that, because it's hard enough to feel good about yourself these days without the one person you should be able to trust, dumping fuel on the fire. At the very least, she needs to have a heart to heart talk with him to try and make him understand how she feels.
Also, not all men are like this. It's kind of a pop culture myth that all guys are philandering, mysogenist jerks. Sometimes I wonder if some guys don't just emulate that behavior because they think they're SUPPOSED to.
she defiantly needs to talk to him about this and how he is making her feel. she also needs to work on her self esteem. i know how she feels though. i see these gorgeous women and i feel really over shadowed by them and i feel like i could never look like that. but looking nice might help her feel better about herself.
She needs to have a heart to heart with him.....and if that is not good....dump him.....life is short.
I totally understand how she feels..My bf started staring at girls after 7 months together....and then he started cheating...
so if they stare they are thinking cheating!
What to tell her?
get out,,,get away from husband for a while...dont be around him...
dont cook for him ,,leave him alone, so he start missing her....
everyone is going trhough the same all the time!
guys can be spoiled so we just have to treat them like crap sometime so they appreciate us more...
Yeah can be pigs sometimes...I think its wrong that he does it but these days they just don't seem to be content with what they got. She should talk to him let him know how she feels, if it continues then maybe the relationship needs evaluating. And she should totally care about how she looks for herself in no one else you gotta be happy with you! (maybe a girl night out will encourage this??)
She sounds defeated, and there is nothing you can do, sadly. It is up to her husband to respect her and their marriage enough to make her feel loved and wanted. Clearly, he is lacking.
I see her point, but she has got to look good for herself not just her husband. Men are pigs, but how can they help themselves women are beautiful creatures!
Coming from a man's perspective, the grass always looks greener on the other side and we always want what we can't have. The truth is she should use his lack of attention as a motivator to look so good other guys will be checking her out all the time. And if her husband still fails to pay attention, he just might be taking her for granted for some other reason. I don't know the details of their relationship, but a lot of husbands tend to take their wives for granted when they wives only whine or yell at their spouse for not living up to their expectations.
First, she should continue to look good for herself. It is normal for men to look at other women. As long as he doesn't touch them or engage them in more than that she shouldn't worry about it. A little porn is ok. She should try joining him in watching the porn. All of these things show insecurity. She should let her husband be. He is not doing anything wrong and she can not control his eyes. Life is too short allow him to enjoy a little variety. He isn't cheating.
Tell her to leave the guy. A relationship is about helping each other making a great person of what you are, not ruining you.
Your friend married a pig. She should get her NEW boyfriend to beat him up...
tell her to start taking care of herself for herself. work on her abs do her hair whatever she likes. she just may realize she's go a lot to offer and can dump him when the time is right.
be independant and keep her options open.
Life is too short to waste on one selfish turd.
that is not a typical man. that is a typical pig.
Men are always going to do this. Doesn't matter if their woman was a play boy center fold. Men will always look at other womens goodies. if she wants to show him how it feels, then she can start doing the same.
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
This is completley her problem. She is incredibly insecure and has no confidence. And she wants to blame it all on her husband. She feels like crap about herself. So her only solution is to stop caring about the way she looks?!?! Is she for real? I can't stop laughing my a** off at this woman.
Porn has NOTHING to do with her. And so what, its just porn. A woman who is secure in herself and has confidence and knows that all porn is, is just fantasy, DO NOT have the same problems as the other women do. Porn is a cop out. For those women who think that is the root of all her problems. If her husband didn't watch porn, blah, blah, blah. Stop blaming men and start blaming yourselves. Why do men have this need to watch porn? Things can't be all that golden down in the nitty gritty. No matter what you tell yourselves. Men do things for a reason....think about it.
Your friend needs to stop playing the oh poor me victim and stand up in her life and never let herself go.
She seems rather pathetic to me and only those kinds of women blame their husbands.
If he wanted to be with other women, he would have left already. Tell her that. Straight men are hard-wired to look at all women, it's biological. Tell her to gain some confidence and realize that even if her man looks at other women, she's still the number one woman in his life.
It is very sad. Unfortunately, when a woman is going through depression, one of the big signs is that she lets go of her appearance. Imagine the energy it would take to put on make-up, put on a great outfit and make yourself look good for a man who isn't going to notice and isn't going to care. Before anyone starts spewing about how she should do it for herself and to h*** with him, they don't know what it is like to be married to a man who is obsessed with whatever he cannot have and what is NOT real or appropriate. It makes a woman question herself i.e. "he used to love me and I have done everything to make him happy - it must be me. If only I was _________ or did _________ better". This is a man who has real problems and is not capable of maintaining a normal intimate relationship. She needs to get into counseling. As her friend, I think that you might want to get her out to do fun things so she is able to laugh a little and just enjoy herself. I think you also need to tell her that you think she is beautiful and you are concerned that she is doubting herself because of her husband's issues. Maybe do your homework ahead of time so that at that point you are able to hand her the name and number of a really good therapist. Tell her that you want desparately for her to feel good about herself again. Whatever you do, don't get into your feelings or judgements about what he is doing - just be her friend and focus on all of the wonderful things about her.
She should care about how she looks for herself!
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