and I'm tired of being insulted by them. It's mostly his sister who has been married 4 times before. She insists on inviting his ex wife
( my husbands) even though my husband has let her know that he doesn't want her around.
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I want to say to her, so what if we invite all your ex husbands, how would that make you feel ?
The sister told me that the ex wife will always be part of the family etc. and always invited.
We have avoided some family gatherings because of this, but I know my husband misses spending time with the rest of the family and I feel bad for him . I feel like it's all my fault that this riff has happened, but at the same time I feel that my husband and I are totally being disrespected.
The sister has borderline personality disorder and everyone has just put up with her behavior as long as they have been kids. They are all forty something now.
feels like we are in a rock and a hard place....I hate the holidays now.
Any advice...other than a divorce, lol !?
First off-
NO GUILT for you. I s not your fault. You are not responsible for someone else's bad behavior
Your husband is going to have to make a choice and stick to it
BM treats FH like dog crap and his family welcomes her with open ::
Now SD16 of course should be allowed to go see all of her family but why the hell does BM have to go. This is why my FH is not close to his family because
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And yes it is unfair-but his sister has forced the issue
What about the mother in law and the rest of the family- are they disrespectful too?
If so, you do not have alot of choices.
Has your husband called the ex and told her that even though the sister has invited her-she is not really wanted and it is disrespectful for her to attend-maybe she has some semblance of sense and won't come
Your husband has to make sure that he does not let the ex know that you do not want her there-otherwise it has become a power struggle between you and her
He needs to make sure every one understands that HE has moved on and in respect to everyone involved-he does NOT want her to be invited to family functions-and if his family cares about him at all-she will not be invited, because if she is-He will be unable to attend
Period!!
Good luck-but stand firm- make out of town plans or something
Did your husband have children with this woman? If yes, then it is reasonable, if stupid on the part of the ex, to have her attend. If no, then it means that your SIL hates her brother and she enjoys getting this dig in.
If he and his ex did not have children together, then stop attending family gatherings. He can visit his family at times other than that.
The best thing to do would be for you and your husband to get together with your sister, and have a talk. Since your husband feels the same about not wanting his ex around then he should be the one talking to his sister, with you present. And he could simply let his sister know in a polite manner, that he loves her and cares for her but that if she continues to dis-respect his marriage and his and your feelings about having his ex there, then he will have to stop attending family functions .
I think if it comes from him, she will be more understanding and put a stop to it.
I believe the sister may have posted a question on here about you and your husband. Are you in your 20's? Is your husband in his 40's? Does the EX-wife take care of your husband's parents, you both didn't attend last Christmas, and you didn't attend your step-sons birthday party? If it is you, email me.
You and your husband have to make a stand against this behavior...I hope he is with you. You can do your own thing for the holidays. You do not have to be with them if they choose to continue this behavior. Been there, done that.
If your husband and his ex, don't share kids, then there is no reason for her to be around. You are doing the best you can. Just ignore her and invite only the others in his family.
omg i know exactly how you feel. my inlaws are the same way. I been dealing with it for almost 6 years now. I started snapping back and standing up for myself when they direspected us. They of course didn't like it, but my hubby told them that if they wanted to be apart of our lives then they was gonna have to stop, however, that only worked for a lil while. They went right back at it. So sadly, my hubby has cut them out of our lives, almost entirely. It was his choice. I feel bad for him and I know that at times, he'd wish things to be different, but when i get sad about it, I talk to him and he always reassures me that he's fine with it and that he loves me and he won't stand for them disrespecting me. It makes me feel a lil better for a while. But i mean, with people like that, what else can you do? Talkin don't help, and there's no sense in fightin about it. so if you can't get along it's best to stay away, to avoid the conflict. It sux, but it's the best way, at least for us it was. Good luck with that, and please, if you get any good advice, throw it my way!! =)
While they keep acting like children, stand out as the adults.
Here are some tips for handling stressful family things during the holidays:
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His family doesn't accept me.?