He wants to propose but is in debt and can't afford a ring/honeymoon? - Worried about money? Perhaps a teenager can give you some advice - hzrn.com

My boyfriend recently told his parents that he wants to propose to me, and he has set a date with my parents to ask for my hand in marriage. He has been talking about marrying me for about a year now, but this is the first time he's taken action to "firm up" the promise.

About a year ago, I discovered that he was in financial debt. Credit cards. Despite the fact that I am much younger than he, I am exceedingly better at managing finances, and so together we worked out a a fiscal budget that, if followed, would make him debt free by the end of 2008 (now). I initially offered to have monthly status-checks with him, to ensure that the plan was working and was reasonable, but he flatly rejected that idea but promised to follow the plan by himself. I believed him, and so after we created the budget, I left it for him to follow.

He just came clean with me today that he has only been paying 1/3 of the debt we had budgeted for him to pay. 1/3! Where did all the 2/3 of it go that was supposed to go to his creditors? He went over budget on things like eating out, clothes, and little purchases like cds and video games. He knew he was paying this little and never told me.

Despite the fact that he's still in debt, he nevertheless still wants to propose to me soon. Oh, and did I mention that he's set aside NOTHING for the ring? Not a dime. How is he going to pay for it? 100% financing is his answer.

Worried about money? Perhaps a teenager can give you some advice ::
May 4, 2008 Her aim is to 'go into as little debt as possible'. . Interview: She's home from jail, but Lynndie England can't escape Abu Ghraib; 3.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2008/may/04/debt.familyfinanceHOME

I don't feel right about adding more debt (from the engagement ring) to his current debt. He can't even pay off his creditors now, and he wants to heap more debt on top of it? It's like he can't even understand that that's a problem.

I told him that I don't want to be engaged until he has paid off his debts, and he has saved a significant portion of whatever he intends on spending on the ring. This is because I do not want to take on any of his credit card debts once we marry. He got himself into that mess, he should sacrifice to get out. I will assist/help him in guidance and support, but I dont' intend on paying his way out of the problem.

This is not acceptable to him, and he wants to propose soon, get engaged soon, and just rack up more credit. He is convinced he will pay it off eventually. How? He doesn't know.

And did I mention he has agreed to take responsibility for paying the honeymoon? (I am to pay for the wedding)

I am so upset by this. 1) He basically kept me in the dark about the state of his finances, when he knew it was important and that he was failing to pay what was due, and 2) Because of his horrible money-managing skills, our engagement and wedding will now have to be postponed for at least another year!

I suggested what he see a credit counselor, and that I would go with him to support him. I also said that we have to mull over this thing monthly, to ensure he is on track, because obviously he doesn't/won't if left to his own vices. But he rejects that too.

What should I do next?

do not accept his proposal if he does ask, you will fight over money every day of your life together, so you would be best to either wait until he has totally reformed or break it off with him now

He needs to get out of debt and manage his finances.

Do you want to be the breadwinner and financing your hubby and
family?

Don't marry a guy like this. He may be a nice guy but not mature enough to be responsible.
sorry:(

My fiance is so responsible and financially sound,. He bought my ring and paid cash with no financing and I got a nice 2.5 carat platinum ring. He has a house, a great paying job and 2 cars .
I feel totally comfortable going into our marriage. I am still paying my student loans back, but other than that I have a paid off car and no other debt. I have been honest with him and the amount I owe and he is fine with it since I am taking care of my respionsibility.

The Simple Dollar » Potential Pitfalls For Paying Off Someone Else ::
If John really wants to pay off her debt, he should wait until after the . I can see what a lot of people are saying here, but “girlfriend” doesn’t mean
http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/08/31/potential-pitfalls-for-paying-off-someone-elses-debt/HOME

You deserve better. This is your life we are talking about. He has not been honest with you about sticking to the payment plan. IS he going to be dishonest about other things?
Most marriages that end in divorce are over finances. Don't do that to yourself. You have your stuff together. You will find someone who does, too.

You have already answered this question. Many couples divorce because of money issues. He already has a history of being unable to pay off his debts. You should avoid this. He will ruin your credit. I am sure you are both in love, and he is probably a good guy, but this marriage would be very difficult for you. The only way I could see it working is if you took over COMPLETE control of BOTH finances, and only gave him a small monthly 'allowance' for his games and toys.

i would ahve to say dont break it off but dont marry him until he is out of debt.. and if it takes to long ur gonna have to talk to him and tell him that if he cant you have to move on with your life

don't give up just yet. he needs to grow up.

consider debtors anonymous

another option is Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University, which is the direction I would take. Take the course together. Do not get married until he has snowballed the debt and gained maturity about money.

What to do next? Holy crow! The obvious thing to say to a lying, undisciplined, bum who is dodging creditors like hailstones is "goodbye."

Andit can't come soon enough!

Honey, you two have very different views about money which is a big red flag.

Why on earth do you want to marry this guy? He's a liar. He's up to his ears in debt. He's irresponsible. He won't seek help for his financaila problem. He refuses to listen to you, which is disrespectful and he's a bully to boot.

And you are SO right - his financial problems will become your financial problems the minute you say I DO.

So say I DON'T. You don't need this guy.

Honey, run - don't walk - run like the dickens from this bullying parasite.

Oh and what else is he not telling you about his past? Like a record, or hidden dependents or maybe even another wife somewhere? No honey, you need this guy like you need a bullet in your brain.

Break it off immediately! This relationship has disaster written all over it. You have stuck by this guy for over a year believing he was getting out of debt, and he was lying the whole time. Worse, you did not pick up on the clues he had to have been leaving that he was overspending and not paying off debt.

You are wasting your time and energy here. Are you so bloody desperate for a man, any man, that you want to spend the rest of your life broke, bankrupt and arguing about money? You couldn't possibly be that stupid.

Harsh as it will seem/feel to you, the first few posters are right.
Why are you wanting to 'rescue' him? Things you suggested make you sound more like his mom than a gf. He is a boy, plain and simple, not yet a man.
Frankly, I wouldn't stay. Love is NOT enough. This doesn't mean that I wouldn't marry a man without much money - because I did - but it's the fudging, the lying, the covering up --- that will extend into other parts of your relationship too.
Sorry.... but keep your principles and move on.